Il fatto di avere provato qualcosa per un altro uomo, nonostante si trattasse di un sentimento non ben identificato e oltretutto bloccato ancora prima che potesse tentare di sbocciare, mi aveva reso libera: poteva esserci qualcos’altro, me lo sentivo. Prima o poi l’avrei trovato, o magari lui avrebbe trovato me. E con lui non mi riferivo solo ad una persona, ma al mio posto nel mondo. Un microcosmo dal quale non avrei più sentito l’esigenza di scappare e che non mi avrebbe mai fatto sentire oppressa, come troppo spesso mi era capitato in passato.
Quella mattina avevo deciso di andare in ufficio con i mezzi. Volevo continuare un esercizio che avevo iniziato la sera precedente prima di addormentarmi con la penna e il quaderno con il palloncino rosso tra le mani, da cui non mi separavo quasi mai. Stavo cercando di mettere nero su bianco la consapevolezza che sentivo di avere in quel momento, risultato dei traguardi raggiunti negli ultimi due anni. Sentivo che tra me e il passato c’era ormai un certo distacco e questo mi permetteva di osservarlo da un punto di vista diverso: quello da cui stava nascendo la mia nuova vita.
Nonostante mi sentissi addosso gli occhi di tutti, dopo aver trovato un posto per sedermi, mi sono lasciata cullare dalla metro e ho riletto ciò che avevo scritto il giorno prima.
Ho capito
cosa significa amare veramente una persona
cosa ho sbagliato nelle mie precedenti relazioni
che ce la faccio anche da sola
che amo fare le fotografie
che ora ho una casa che adoro
che ora sono sola, ma che sono IO
che il futuro sconosciuto davanti a me fa un po’ paura
ma allo stesso tempo mi affascina
che amare davvero può voler dire lasciare andare (ma non dimenticare)
che ho preso le decisioni giuste per me
che l’amore può crescere anche con la distanza e nel silenzio più assoluto, ma quello era vero amore?
che il lavoro attuale non mi rende felice
e che quindi è arrivato il momento di cambiare
che devo accettare di non aver il pieno controllo delle situazioni
e che forse è proprio questo che rende la vita speciale
che il possesso è tutto ciò che di più distante ci sia da un sentimento autentico
che il mio posto nel mondo non l’ho ancora trovato e quindi devo continuare a cercarlo
Sono ripartita come se non mi fossi mai interrotta.
…che ho dei sogni che fino a poco fa non riuscivo nemmeno a definire
ma adesso li vedo chiaramente
e devo lottare per realizzarli
anche se fanno paura perché sono grandi
che vorrei girare il mondo in lungo e in largo
che un grande amore fa tanta paura
che non posso vivere con rimpianti
che le persone più forti sono anche le più fragili
perché sanno cos’è la sofferenza
e sanno che certe cicatrici non andranno mai via
ma nonostante questo sanno anche che si più superare tutto
che la felicità è una scelta da fare ogni giorno
che quando qualcosa ti ferisce i mezzi per superare il dolore sono dentro di te
insieme a tutti i desideri, le passioni e i sentimenti più veri
che la vita è imprevedibile
e così anche le persone
che le promesse non servono a nulla
contano i fatti
che ho tanto amore da dare
tanta paura di innamorarmi
ma fino a poco fa era più grande la paura di non innamorarmi più
che l’intimità non è solo fisica
che la complicità è l’aspetto più speciale di un rapporto
e che è rara, ma non così tanto
che mi hai fatto soffrire
ma è talmente grande l’impatto che hai avuto sulla mia vita
che non potrò mai fartene una colpa
….ecco, questo te lo prometto di nuovo…
che ho sperato a lungo di trovarti sotto l’ufficio
e mi sono illusa più che mai: ogni sera tornavo a casa distrutta
te lo immagini? Così, per mesi e mesi
fino a quando mi sono chiesta ma ne vale davvero la pena?
e la risposta è stata no
no
no
no
no
ma sai quanti no sono stati necessari prima di capirlo davvero?
Sai quanti pianti, quante sbronze, spesso in solitaria, quante notti passate a vagabondare per la città in cerca di risposte,
quanti volti felici che avrei voluto prendere a schiaffi,
quanti sogni ricorrenti,
ma ora tutto questo non c’è più. Ora sei il passato.
Ti penso, certo, come potrei non farlo,
ma senza ossessione, senza chiedermi perché, senza sperare, senza convincermi che un giorno…tu…
senza niente di tutto questo.
Ho capito
che non mi interessa sapere se mi pensi, perché anche se mi pensassi, non cambierebbe nulla.
Ho alzato gli occhi e mi sono immediatamente resa conto di essermi persa tra le righe.
Nel frattempo, eravamo arrivati al capolinea. Sono rimasta seduta senza scompormi in attesa che la metro ripartisse nella direzione opposta, ho mandato un messaggio a Marco dicendogli che sarei arrivata in ritardo e mi sono buttata di nuovo nella scrittura, che si era trasformata – contro la mia volontà – in uno sfogo. Ogni tanto mi capitava. Mi sembrava di parlare con lui, pur non avendolo di fronte. Era l’unico modo che conoscevo per esternare dei pensieri che nascondevo anche a me stessa e che probabilmente, alla lunga, mi avrebbero solo fatto del male. Mi chiedevo perché non mi succedesse la stessa cosa pensando a Gabriele, ma credo che in quel caso ci fosse ben poco da dire. Era tutto chiaro da parecchio tempo, probabilmente molto prima che ci lasciassimo.
Ho capito
che arriverà quel giorno
in cui non mi farò più domande.
Ma sai che ti dico? Forse è già arrivato.
Ho chiuso il quaderno nell’istante in cui il mio telefono ha iniziato a squillare.
“Pronto?”
L’istante che mi ha cambiato la vita.
Benedetta ciao, nessuna delLeTueRagazze osa commentare, è troppo bello.
Si trattengono, hanno paura che qualcuno scriva ..quel giorno in cui.. le fan uccisero la felicità di IsaBella e il racconto di Benedetta.
Si chiedono anche se il tuo capolavoro è già in stampa (in corso di traduzione in altri paesi e se è un caso editoriale unico che ha conquistato gli editori di tutto il mondo, pronti a un grandioso lancio globale)
Perfetto!!
Che fiaba scommettiamo che Carlotta corre a fare un quadretto.
Noi abbiamo capito che la complicità è l’aspetto più speciale di un rapporto
Ora ci viene in mente il primo post …quel giorno in cui… Benedetta ha iniziato a scrivere “C’era una volta” vi ricordate? Era il 22 ott. del 2015. E poi, andate a rileggere la magia del bacio. Brava IsaBella. E’ bellissimo vedere volare così in alto i nostri eroi, ora per il finale, basta crederci e non arrendersi mai. Ha ragione una di noi, non è possibile uccidere la felicità. Post dopo post, è successo un miracolo, ed ora è ufficiale ..la felicità è contagiosa!
Traduciamo (per Filippo): l’amore vince ogni paura, anche se qui è stato determinante il supporto arrivato dallo spazio per far decollare il loro amore. Ma ora che hanno avuto più di un contatto, non osiamo immaginare il finale col botto di questa storia, per ora possiamo immaginare solo la loro felicità nell’aver preso atto che non sono soli e che esistono altri pazzi/veri romantici nell’universo che, come loro, non vedono l’ora di rimandare tutti ‘i buffoni’ nel pianeta più lontano della galassia. https://www.raiplay.it/video/2017/12/MASHA-E-ORSO-3—-EP13-fd8508a6-2301-4ffe-8c56-a9e0611229c5.html
Certo che l’ho fatto il quadretto di ‘quel giorno in cui’, ho preso spunto dall’ultima riga: “Tu che mi hai cambiato la vita”, si intitola “una scolaretta che veniva sorpresa a copiare”
Ciao
Io ho capito che lui le fa una promessa (questo te lo prometto di nuovo):
Promette di amarla. Davvero e per sempre.
“Ogni loro gesto, ogni lettera che si scrivono, ogni persona che incontrano, ha un universo da raccontare. E l’amore è il filo rosso che lega tutto
L’emozione più grande è quella di ritrovare quello che si è perso e amarlo di nuovo, come se fosse la prima volta.” *
Fede
*Prometto di sbagliare di Pedro Chagas Freitas
“Se sbagli di nuovo, giuro che ti amo per sempre.
L’amore arriva quando smettiamo di essere perfetti “*
PAPERMAN tu …..cosa ne pensi?
*Prometto di sbagliare-P. C. Freitas
Io …ho capito, ho capito che ti amo. Questo ci sta dicendo Benedetta (nell’angolo più segreto e protetto dei loro cuori batte solo un nome…ed è quello dell’altro)
Anch’io giro la domanda a PAPERMAN, tu ..…cosa ne pensi?
“Pagine di emozioni, quello che penso, quello che sono. Un diario nel diario scritto per te, affinché anche tu possa scrivere i tuoi pensieri, le tue sensazioni, con le parole che ti nascono dal cuore.”
Da: Cosa ne pensi? Di Elisabetta Fantini
perfect!
…Lamore fra quei due è oltre ogni confine.Davvero ben scritta e incuriosisce molto …….”
…Avrei, senz’altro, esordito scrivendo “Ti avrei voluto dire ‘Ti sto pensando’ ”, ma qui si esagera!
Livia xme hai sbagliato, è riduttivo il ti sto pensando, io li ho visti insieme,
io ..avrei, io avrei scritto :
L’amore viene poche volte spesso una volta sola e poi non torna più.
Quei due, a quanto pare, l’hanno trovato e non se lo lasciano sfuggire.
Gabriella
Benedetta, dimenticavo prima di andare a letto, al passaggio “…avrei”, forse lei gli risponde
…Ti avrei voluto dire che a volte mi viene voglia di chiamarti in piena notte…
Buonanotte
Isa: “Prima che tu dica «Pronto» (Italo Calvino)”
«Faccio racconti di partigiani, di contadini, di contrabbandieri in cui partigiani, contadini, contrabbandieri non sono che pretesti a storie piene di colore, d’accorgimenti narrativi e d’acutezze psicologiche: in fondo non studio che me stesso, non cerco che di esprimere me stesso, non cerco di rappresentare che dei simboli di me stesso nei personaggi e nelle immagini e nella lingua e nella tecnica narrativa. Non sono in fin dei conti che uno dei vecchi scrittori individualisti che però s’esteriorizza in “simboli” d’interesse attuale e collettivo.»
Ciao Benedetta,
post ..bellissimo!!
A quanto pare la nostra simpatica combinaguai ne ha combinata un’altra delle sue.
Il suo uomo le scrive “lettere d’amore” e non vede l’ora di vederla (…che ho sperato a lungo di trovarti sotto l’ufficio)
Come dire ….“ Carissima Amalia .. volete ch’io venga da Voi domani, verso le 15? Ci diremo tante cose.
Il vostro aff.mo
Guido”
Da: Lettere d’amore – Guido Gozzano, Amalia Guglielminetti
Traduzione molto semplice: il post è di domenica e lui le chiedeva di raggiugerlo lunedì nel suo ufficio.
Ma Bridget, come al solito, è persa nel mondo dei sogni, o come dice SARA, Bridget esagera come sempre, pensa di decifrare i CODICI SEGRETI della Cia, fa morir dal ridere e poi si perde in un bicchier d’acqua, in questo caso ha perso un altro appuntamento importante.
E’ davvero un disastro questa fanciulla!
(PS B. con bicchieri e bibite è abituata ai disastri, come quella volta che ha versato gran parte del suo drink sul gilet del capo, dicendo: “Sono davvero dispiaciuta” e diventando tutta rossa)
Deborah “sono sì i protagonisti di una fiaba ma anche e soprattutto due ragazzi. Giovani, insicuri, un po’ spaventati e molto, molto innamorati” Tratto da: La favola di William e Kate. Un amore reale di Azzurra Della Penna, Alfonso Signorini
Cos’è quella cosa che faranno un venerdì? Chi è venuto? Per organizzare cosa esattamente? Devo essermi persa un passaggio.
Forse una cena a lume di candela con i tavoli pieni di rose bianche e un atmosfera romantica in uno dei posti più belli che io conosca?
Originale l’idea dell’invito, l’elegante scatola in legno, assemblata da un piccolo artigiano toscano e ricoperta di decorazioni.
..che il mio posto nel mondo non l’ho ancora trovato e quindi devo continuare a cercarlo…
Benedetta secondo me invece l’ha trovato, non può che essere così perché quella ragazza da quando c’è lui, sente la sinfonia (la musica della vita, del nostro posto nel mondo, della realizzazione piena del nostro destino. In alcuni attimi, la melodia ci fa toccare una consapevole felicità)*
Vuoi la conferma? Eccoti un altro libro che, in qualche modo, parla di lei: Ascolta i fiori dimenticati, di Holly Ringland:
«è la storia affascinante di una giovane ragazza che grazie ai fiori trova il proprio posto nel mondo. Una scoperta che ha conquistato gli editori internazionali.»
*Messaggio per un pesciolino che ha sempre sete di Anthony De Mello
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